Fond Memories of MJ and Other News

Looking back over the past year we have lost many cultural icons. Perhaps no one will be remembered more than Michael Jackson. Around the world people are hosting their tributes to Michael and sharing fond memories of the entertainer. As part of my tribute I wanted to post a few news articles written by me earlier this year about the King of Pop. It should be noted that while his personal life was a fun target for anyone wanting to draw a smile and an awkard laugh from another, his music and legacy are truly remarkable and respectable. He truly was the King of Pop.



New US Ambassador to Disneyland
(AP 2/23/09) President Obama recently named former black entertainer and current white entertainer Michael Jackson as the U.S.’s newest Ambassador to DisneyLand with a particular emphasis on the “Small World” ride. President Obama praised his newest Ambassador by saying “Mr./Ms. Jackson has a proven track record with children and has displayed exemplary service and interest in the field of pre-teen entertainment studies.”
In his acceptance speech Mr./Ms. Jackson encouraged his new benefactors/victims “Children of the world unite! Now is the time to break the shackles of anyone aged 15 and over.”

In response to this newest appointment radio host Rush Limbaugh lambasted the President and his newest appointee by saying “I hope he fails, when the liberal media appoints...blah blah blah (this latter part is paraphrased by our editors to reflect the true substantive meaning of Mr. Limbaugh’s words.) Meanwhile Republicans responded to Mr Limbaugh’s comments by releasing a statement “My Gosh man, what is this 1996 where we care about what Rush Limbaugh thinks? Why does he think he's relevant anymore? And why won’t he shut up for crying out loud? He’s ruining our chances in 2012.”

On the other side of the aisle Democrats responded to Mr. Limbaugh’s comments by saying “Does anyone else think that this guy looks like Biff from Back to the Future 2? You know when Marty goes back to 1985 but it has changed and Biff runs a casino?” (see pic below released by Nancy Pelosi and her parrot Harry Reid whom, we've just learned to our surprise, is actually a Senator and not just someone that sits on Pelosi's shoulder repeating what she says and eating crackers)


In other news...
Earlier this year when Venezuelan Stefania Fernandez was named Miss Universe 2009 the world celebrated the newly crowned Miss Universe...the problem is she isn't the prettiest woman in the entire universe.

Around the galaxy outrage has replaced universal peace as Ms. Sc*~u69 Jolorpian of Planet SP98445A* is once again left out of the competition. Ms. Sc*~u69, regarded by many planets as far and away the most beautiful female in the Universe, has been repeatedly left out of competitions that include "universe" in the title. Earlier this year, while visiting with Michelle Obama, she complained to the President's wife ">h4ei$&jkdpfelale{+^^&" which translated into English from her native language means "Come on Michelle, this is absurd! I mean why call it a universal pageant when clearly they don't accept anyone outside of the planet earth! That isn't universal"

Ms. Sc*~u69 Jolorpian has tried numerous times to enter so-called "Universal Pagents" including the "Ms Universal Milkmaid," "Ms Universal Brewmeister," "Lil' Miss Universal Meter-maid" and "Lil Miss Universal Feminist"with no luck. "They've done everything possible to disqualify me from their pageants," complained Ms. Sc*~u69 in a recent interview with US weekly, "from saying that I couldn't be Lil Miss Universal Meter-Maid because on my planet we don't use meters for parking our cars, to saying that beer on my planet is closer to Crystal Pepsi (a 90's fad soft drink made by Pepsi-Cola) so I couldn't possibly be Ms Brewmeister, or planting pot in my car before I went on stage for the Lil Miss Universal Feminist...this is a scandal and I want restitution."

Ms. Sc*~u69 has been slowly gaining support here on planet earth by groups threatening to file a class action law suit on her behalf but because these groups are comprised mostly of Trekkie Nerds, World of War Craft fanatics, and other late-20's males who can't get a date on planet earth, it's safe to say that she hasn't got a prayer.

And finally in the world of Sports...

Today Chicago's bid for the 2016 Olympics was lost to skeptical committee members. In leading up to the city's Olympics bid Mayor Richard M. Daly has spent millions of dollars in an attempt to clean up the overly congested, polluted, and crime-ridden city. Where it was not possible to fully clean up the city the Mayor pitched to the Olympic Committe ideas for new Olympic Events. In his speach to the committe he said "Think of the dynamics of an Olympics in Chicago. We could add hobo tossing, long and short distance immigrant billy clubbing (a call back to Chicago's early 20th century history), 50 yard dashing away from crack dealers, pole-vaulting pimps, and drug raiding as Olympic Events. The marketing practically sells itself." While many agreed that these indeed would add an American appeal to the Olympics, it was agreed that no one wanted to spend any time in a dump like Chicago.