The Jockey: Friend or Foe?

In this week's edition of my musings we get an in depth look at an often misunderstood creature: the jockey







As the Kentucky Derby drew more attention this year than in times past, there has been a sudden up-surge in interest in all things horseracing. More and more children are envisioning the glory of becoming a Jockey, little girls are once again requesting ponies for Christmas, and the elderly admire the agility and so-called youthful exuberance of these tiny riders. Because of this new cult trend of Jockey admiring our scientists conducted a thorough search into the world of the Jockeys. Below are the findings of our study:

The "jockey" is a hybrid creature of man's creation. He has no magical powers. As such, he should not be considered a threat to you or your family


They're a wily bunch; Closer to trolls or goblins, than humans. And a jockey's cry is said to be fatal


The Jockey prefers to live a solitary existence and is mostly found in dense wooded areas. A solitary hunter the Jockey mainly subsists on a diet of raccoon, squirrel, and tropical birds.
A Jockey is conceived when a midget with goblin blood in their ancestral lines and an average sized human mate. In nature when a horse and donkey mate the resultant mule is sterile, so too are Jockeys infertile.

A distant relative of the leprechaun, the Jockey displays the same love for gold; although given the choice they prefer a fresh garland of flowers to gold. For this reason the only time a jockey can be spotted in public is when racing atop a horse in various derbies, the lure of fresh flowers and gold is too much for them to deny.

Jockey’s are known to leap great distances in a single bound. For this reason they were thought to be magical in times past, it is now known that the Jockey simply has an overdeveloped ham string.

Although the Jockey is not considered a magical creature, their secluded nature and sharp pointed teeth have lead authorities to consider them potentially dangerous.

In recent years certain civil rights groups have lobbied for Jockey voting rights and insist that “the Jockey is just as human as the rest of us” but these activists have gained little traction in their efforts due primarily to the popular public service announcement of the late 80’s by pop-culture icon Tom Selleck “Don’t kid yourself. If a jockey had the chance he’d gnaw on you and everyone you care about”

It is recommended that should you cross paths with a Jockey you should immediately call Animal Control. You should not make eye contact with them as they are easily riled. If you are unsuccessful and the Jockey attempts to charge you or make contact with you they can be startled and kept at bay by throwing oats at them.